The Usual Suspects

Finding ‘Someone’ can be very difficult. Finding someone for a long-term committed type relationship can be impossible almost, sometimes.

This being fact it is still ruled by numbers. In a big city with a large population of all diasporas, there will still be a percentage of single / nearly single, men [& women] of a certain age still capable of having that look on their face from the feeling that they have just spoken to a ghost of themselves from inside the body of the opposite sex [/ same sex]. [Rapport]

The reason for this issue “why when there are so many of us, there are people still alone?” – Tracy Chapman. It is because of culture. Human culture, historical and modernizing.

In the modern world where marriage young has been ended as a cultural requirement, people, especially women have become emancipated in as much as they can choose to be single or live in groups with varying life-styles of choice.

The old structural fears of women’s safety in a modern civilized society and the concerns of chastity and suitability of the young with hormones making all of the decisions [for some] and therefore the parents / elders making plans [mostly sound but subject to structural relationship creating pathologies] to select suitors has been [mostly] replaced with love priority number1 and random socialisation.

It would be inappropriate at this time to bring up sex but there is a relevant correlation culturally. Sex too is lacking in teaching [& knowledge] that was not passed on as a valuable, useful and beneficial skill [to benefit relationships] [I refer specifically to vaginas] to arm the young adults with the necessary abilities to avoid the pitfalls that would [on average] occur as their lives progressed.

Young women to this day [in fact it has worsened for [some] young women] despite having the fruits of attraction that young men desire, are not [worse for some] able to select in and out young men by any guide beyond instinct alone. [Sex by instinct is like cooking a soufflé by instinct alone.]

Young men are not looking for ms right but ms right now. Young women [emancipation and the modern women equal choice of playing the field and sowing oats included] are more interested in relationships and the depth and personal value of relationships. Previously young men where [mostly] in relationships for sex. Now with women bouncing from bed to bed, men enter into relationships to create chastity, [for at least as long as they want to have sex with ‘this girl.’]

Longer term relationships start appearing [for most these days – London example] mid twenties. Some result in marriage, some result in a child [in or out of marriage] and some last but most younger relationships in the more modern world do not last through the growth to maturity*.

There is fallout from the above hormonal unguided chaos – Despondency. That then leads to a multitude of sad feelings, attitudes and secondary negative behaviours, for both men and especially for women.


*As a Rule maturity is defned by the phrase "Life begins at 40". 

Alpha Guide to Selecting a Mate

When young ‘Party’eh’. Use this guide if you wish but this guide is for serious mature adults looking to match with another serious mature adult.

Women have a biological clock. Men do not. Men have a hormonal clock.

When a woman wants a daddy, husband, a partner committed [more likely] a love deep and true and tranquil and warm then do not target men under the hormone change or during or too soon after the change.

[In a Booming Voice - “The answer to life, the universe and everything is .... is .... is ... 42.” - Douglas Adams.

The drop in the male horror hormone testosterone occurs in the 38th year of life. Give the poor sucker victims of that poison another two years to get bored of enlightenment and lonely [maybe again].  


1) Ladies: Target men 44+ [Every other younger age carries much more risk [of U-turning at 44+]


Ladies at 27-28 go through a mini [clock] revaluation.

This is less noticeable to them if they are already a mother or married and quite busy and mostly causes no alterations or adjustments in attitudes and life-style.


For the women less busy with a ‘boy-friend’ and no baby the feeling can be quite profound and cause angst, sadness or pro-active actions. For single women the profound level can be doubled or more.   


1b) Conversely men 44+ seeking a mate should target women 28+ [without young children]


‘the feeling that they have just spoken to a ghost of themselves from inside the body of the opposite sex [/ same sex]. [Rapport]’ 

Accepting and putting aside the attraction of opposites or wanting to get away from the childhood experience of one’s own cultural background - Similarities are attractive, comfortable, fun and even seductive. The wonderful thing about regional television and radio is that it extends cultural similarities beyond the region of cultural familial boundaries, increasing the potential number of potential romantic kin’s folk.


2) Define [profile] yourself.

[Family culture^, ethnicity, educational level^, educational type, profession^, key interests^, Hobbies current^, key dislikes – Character, personality, emotional temperament, emotion quality^, any emotional priorities, any emotional avoidance protocols.]


Character is important because it is the key protocols of your being. Character and your emotional temperament underwrites your personality. Your personality is further moulded by your preferred examples as you grew to where [age] you are now.

For a deeper insight ask yourself – Who am I? Why am I who I am?

Look into yourself and find both parts of your parents that make you. Physically, mentally, emotionally, culturally and add your experience of their/your added environment.


3) Profile [define] your mate. [It should be a near match^]

4) Identify the likely daytime and evening time locations of your target type.

a. Professionally crossing paths within a target environment or arriving at a drinking hole containing target profile types is often an easy way to create contact. Some courage will be needed.

b. Network probable culturally similar older women, aunts, sisters, cousins even grannies to avoid any sense of stalking [for those that would not be stimulated by such a hunt] and to create a good old fashioned casual formal introduction.

c. Network through your friends. You never know who they have never introduced you to.

d. Network all new contacts / friends, colleagues or anyone that you identify with in a good way on common ground.

e. Get busy with the right chosen hobbie and circulate out and around to mingle well.

Be relaxed, be happy, [of course be Polite, Respectful, Friendly and with a default air of kindness] ..    

If you have not been working on any of the above you will probably need no more than a go at b. or c.